Hoop Dance Practice to a sweet version of "As" by Stevie Wonder

3 days post 2nd chemo infusion (6 weeks post double mastectomy) - Recorded this in my room after an extremely empowering day  that began at the YWCA Breast Cancer Resource Center, where I began planning a class that I will offer there with hoops and scarves, probably in January.  Also thought through a really fun dance party fundraiser that would be very easy to put together.  All of this happened in a place I worked in 2000 as a part time Enrichment Coordinator for the YWCA AFter School Program.  Reconnected with some old colleagues and met some new ones - the room that I'll use is one that I've organized events in before.  Nice stage, classy looking place with the great Terra Learning Kitchen right next door. Piece of cake dance party (with hoops and therapy dog available on the lawn within listening distance of music) coming soon!!   WHOO HOOO!!
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Walk in Park with Louie, 2 days post 2nd chemo infusion

Crazy ramblings while walking my way back to wellness with my best bud.   He usually only likes to walk fast away from home and would often roll around on the ground and stretch out on the grass so he wouldn't have to leave the park, but I discovered he'll  walk fast while carrying  a special treat that looks like a cigar in his mouth all the way home.  I love how funny he looks with the plaid jacket and his treat :)  He's saving my life <3

Walk in Park with Louie, 1 day post chemo infusion #1

Just adding this video  I recorded and uploaded a couple of weeks ago.  I just had second infusion a couple of days ago and it's more bearable because I know what I like to eat and drink now.

Hope it helps anyone facing this terrifying diagnosis to feel less afraid.  It is really not as bad as I imagined it would be.  Many thanks to my oncologist, Peter Yi for giving me all kinds of meds to help with side effects.   Last infusion will be on December 9th.  Whoo Hoooo.... 

After that, I will begin using Herceptin, which is not supposed to be as disruptive as the heavy chemo I'm having now.  I like to think of Herceptin as a drone strike on any lingering cancer because it targets the  Her2 receptor of the tumors that were identified in pathology report. 

 

Walk in park with Louie. 2 weeks post mastectomy

Some updates on progress after 2 weeks since surgery explained in some detail in video diary below.



As for the history of this illness as I learned about it --   I first noticed that a mild pain from an old injury turned into a lump after hoop dancing at the July 4th concert of  a friends' band, Kindred Spirit,  at Rider University.  I now know that  the spot that was painful was the largest of three tumors in left breast.  Also, needed to have 10 lymph nodes removed on left near underarm.  9 of them had cancer, so I will need to have radiation and chemo to clear out any leftover particles floating around lymphatic system  :(   Will meet the oncologist tomorrow who was most highly recommended of all.  There was nothing on the right even though a spec showed up on a test.  Glad they are both replaced so that I won't need more tests and surgeries in the future and having these interesting new boobs definitely helps to make this ordeal somewhat more bearable ;)

 Some little miracles have happened in the 'space between' all of my Facebook connections where I have attempted to  somewhat discreetly discuss what has been happening with me.  As part of healing, in addition to walking, I've been dancing & hooping  a lot to the music of a Kindred Spirit  CD that the lead singer, Michael, gave me when he visited last weekend.  I now have it on my phone and it's so much fun to practice hooping with while outside walking in park with Louie:)

First met Michael at a Journey Dance at Integral Yoga where I performed  a song I wrote about how healing the first Journey Dance I attended  was for me.  After hearing about his dance band, I became a fan who enjoys dancing to the music they  play. His girlfriend, Fern, helps to encourage dancing at most of their gigs and it's so much fun.    Anyway...  realized Michael is  mutual friends with another person who inspired most of the play activities that I have created based on a theory of redirecting aggressive play that she wrote more than 20 years ago when she was a graduate student at Harvard University Education Dept.   He knows her as an amazing band and dance photographer.

 I talked with Valerie  the other day about how I'd like to apply the experiment I have done with her theory over many years into a strategy to promote my own healing.  I was already exploring the healing power of the 'flow state' as a way to describe the therapeutic nature of the activities Louie and I provide as clown healers.   Incredibly, it turns out  that Valerie  once worked in the office next door to Mihaly Czikszentmihalyi who coined the term flow state!   

Walk in park with Louie. 1 week post mastectomy

Recorded a little video diary of what's been happening one week post surgery as I walked Louie in the park next to my house.  Volume gets to normal after about 15 seconds.   We walked like this during two walks for a total of 3 hours today.   I think he's happy that my surgeon suggested that this would be a good  way to heal after I showed him the stretchy belt leash I use that has made the walks so easy. Louie is the best therapy dog in the world <3  Thanks for listening!


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This  is  where I will try to share info of progress recovering from many different procedures I will need to have to eliminate the aggressive Her2+ invasive ductal carcinoma that has taken over my left breast and some of the nearby lymph nodes.   For now I am planning a double mastectomy with reconstruction using implants .  Operation is scheduled on October 1.  This is  likely to be followed by some months of chemotherapy.

This is a hard thing to tell people because it's such a bummer, but it is what it is and I think I will try a diary because, as a person just diagnosed, I've been reading other people's diaries to find out what I'll need to be prepared for and I am already wanting to share smoothie recipe successes and my  experiences with dissolving pain using biofeedback therapy.

 Besides letting people know what is happening with me, my intention with writing this is to share the journey I will have into the space between pain and the perception of it.  I first learned how to manage pain using Open Focus training with Dr. Les Fehmi in 2008 when I was a client.  I noticed that a side effect of the exercise is the presence of healing energy that I discovered when exploring the concept of 'timelessness' as a sense.  It  is made of love/prayers (angels?) past, present and future.  This 'space between' is where pain goes to dissolve.   Here is a sample exercise that I find very helpful.  It was recorded by a student of Dr. Fehmi.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LrSrBN_3BMo

This diagnosis challenges everything I was planning in my life and I am  not sure where it will go from here, but I got a Nutri-Bullet for blending up  healthy organic food and some great cancer fighting recipes to experiment with.  I live in an apartment surrounded by nothing but trees only steps away from a path that leads to a park.  I have insurance and  a job to go back to if I am able to get back to work in 6 months.

Anna, my daughter, will be coming  to stay for a while to help me.  Andrew, my son, will be in and out a lot too.  We  plan to catch up on all of the movies I promised I'd watch if I was ever laid up.  In addition to wonderful friends and neighbors, many have offered to help.  I'm grateful and bummed at the same time.